Saturday 17 November 2018

How to write a John Lewis/Waitrose Christmas TV ad.

1. Come to the Watford Ad Course.
2. Get brilliant.
3. Get a job at the agency that runs John Lewis.
4. Write 200 scripts.
5. Then write some more.
6. Get one made.

The following ads were all written by ex Watford students: Ben Stilitz, Milo Campbell, Sophie Knox, Frank Ginger, Laurent Simon, Aidan McClure and the latest one by Sali Horsey and Zoe Nash. 
All of these ex students were never knowingly underworked.




























Friday 16 November 2018

Every Creative Needs To Find An Eagle Owl

I recently gave a speech at the Watford Graduation for the classes of 2016 and 2017.  The graduates are all in agencies like BBH, VCCP, Blink, AMV, BBC, Channel 4,  Y&R and WK. Here is a precis of the talk:



Adland. Population: Worried. Capital: Average.
Currency: The Dull.

Adland is a complicated land of false trails, mirages and fruitless treks. 

So, you are all going to need a guide.

You all need your very own Eagle Owl.

Eagle Owls have the physical skills of an Eagle. 

They are focused, precise, powerful and energetic.
And can soar to great heights over the landscapes of Adland.

They are also blessed with the sensory and intuitive skills of an Owl.

In Native American culture, the Eagle is a symbol of truth, the Owl is emblematic with wisdom and intuitive knowledge.


Eagle Owls are often disguised.

They're likely to be experienced. 

Although their feathers might be grey they will still be creatively ambitious, have a young heart and a mischievous soul.

They could be a creative director, a strategist or in television production.

They might not even be in Adland. 

They could be perched high on a mountain in another creative terrain.

Eagle Owls are becoming increasingly difficult to find.

In Adland, their numbers are declining. 

Their habitat is under threat.

Technology hunters, rapacious data harvesting and the open plan fields have created visual blight and noise pollution.

Icy winds of dull blown in from the Eastern coast of political correctness have forced many Eagle Owls to take flight to more interesting lands.

When you do find your Eagle Owl let them guide you.

For they can spot a herd of charlatans grazing in the undergrowth of complex briefs.

They sense the twitch of a nervous client eyebrow and the feint whiff of bullshit.

The Eagle Owl will foretell the distant thunder of angry consumers who will skip your ads.

They can spot the Golden Four Legged Rabbits of Opportunity which live in the undergrowth of confused briefs. 

Your Eagle Owl will navigate you past the tempting watering holes like The Losers Arms and The Frog and Failed Creative.

The ground in Adland can be less than firm.

There are hidden quicksands everywhere where great ideas are sucked out of sight never to be seen again. 

Your Eagle Owl will  make sure every bold step you take is made with confidence.

It will be hard. I can't promise you it will be easy. 

Your Eagle Owl will lead you to a steep edifice called Push It Mountain.

And you will look up at Push It Mountain and you'll say, 'Oh Fuck. Do I have to?

It's nearly 9.00pm and I want to get home to watch Love Island. 

Eventually, your Eagle Owl will lead your creative spirit to a rarefied atmosphere and whatever you produce won't feel like 
advertising.

And you'll say, 'This is fun.'

And your Eagle Owl will say , 'It is fun. And it just happens to be advertising'.

And from the top of  Push It Mountain you'll look down on at the geography of Adland and everything will be crystal clear.

And you'll say. 'Thank you.

And your Eagle Owl will say, 'No worries'.

You're going to have to do it all again tomorrow'.














Monday 15 October 2018

My introduction to world cinema.

When I was 17, I was woken at 3.33am by bright lights blasting through my Rupert Bear curtains. 
I peered out to the garden and through sleep encrusted eyes saw the image of Brigitte Bardot burnt in to the long grass of my council house lawn.
A small, naked hairless figure, who appeared to be covered in sausage skin, stood at the side of the lawn waving his 7 fingers to me.  
The grass smoked beneath his toe-less feet.
I smiled at him. He smiled back. He smiled again.
And I remember thinking that he had the best teeth I had ever seen and I must rush down and ask him what toothpaste he used.
Also, I needed to tell him not to steal my dad's turnips.
I ran down the stairs and found myself outside in the cold November air.


Something wasn't quite right. It was actually March.
Without speaking, he communicated by sending messages to my brain.

The messages were wrapped in cling film and it took me a little time to unwrap them. 
Cling film hadn't been invented in 1971.
He told me two things of huge, critical importance. 

Firstly, he said that the world's energy would soon run out and if the world was to be saved we needed to harness the potassium gases which lay deep inside every banana.

His second message was that I was wearing my pajama bottoms back to front.


I told him that he had  ruined my lawn by burning it with an image of Brigitte Bardot. 


And I would get the blame.


He said c'est la vie.


I didn't understand French so I said, sellotape.


He held up a David Bowie key ring with a silver key attached and beckoned me forward to his hovering silver dinner plate.

My mother said I should never accept lifts from strangers so I shook my head.

As I shook my head dandruff fell to the sizzling lawn. He picked it up and gave it back to me.

He put his ears in his top pocket,waved goodbye and climbed back on to his silver dinner plate.


He was gone. 

I cried.

Not because this was the longest teenage friendship that I had ever experienced.

It was because he stole a turnip.

The following day, I had a curious urge to see a French film. 

The cinema didn't open until 7.00pm so I spent the whole day outside the village bakery staring at a baguette.


At 6.30pm, I raided my Tracey Island moneybox and with my last three shillings and sixpence, I legged it to the village cinema. 

L'ours et la Poupée, was showing for one night only.

The English title of the film was The Bear and The Doll.

 
The film featured neither a bear or a doll. 


Although, it did star Brigitte Bardot as a sexy socialite.

Now I am an old man with an insatiable love of World Cinema. 


Among my prized possessions is the Bardot box set.


I also have a David Bowie key ring. 

I don't have a lawn mower though.


For some reason I prefer Astroturf.



Here are my top 25 World Cinema movies in no particular order:



1 Hard To Be  A God.  Alexsei German. 2015



Breugel meets Monty Python in this maelstrom of medieval madness which examines the horribleness of an ungodly humankind. 

This 2015 film is awful, wretched and beautiful. There is little narrative, it's devoid of character development and is unapologetic with its gratuitous violent images. 

Based on the Strugatsky Brothers' sci-fi novel, this epic is like dunking your head into a barrel full of maggoty devil brains and not coming up for air for 3 hours.
Hard To Be A God is the most important film that has been released in years.
And it will certainly become a cult classic one day.


2 Still Walking. Koreeda.



Koreeda is the finest director working in Japanese cinema today. 

He has delivered many quirky films over the years, however,
here he takes on a more reflective, meditative mood as he explores the heart of suburban society and  family values. 

This is Koreeda's Tokyo Story for a new generation. 
An immense and perceptive study of human truth and subtle insights. 


3 The Tribe. Slaboshpitsky




This is the most powerful and bravest film I've seen in a while.
Set in a school for the deaf, Shaboshpitsky hurls the viewer into the silent world of the deaf boarders. 

With no subtitles, voice over or music to help us to interpret the scenes we are compelled to occupy the brutal and unpredictable lives of the cast. 

We have to imagine what is being said and why the characters are behaving in the way they do.
In effect, we are forced to become a one of the teenage members of this unfortunate world and embrace the visceral moments in a close and complicit way.

Challenging, suffocating and involving in a way that few films have achieved.

 
A masterpiece. 

4 The Lunch Box. Batra. 2013

  

Charmingly affectionate, a Hindi love story with real depth and emotional intelligence. 

The power is in the quietness of the writing and the deft direction as the camera slowly reveals the hidden pain in the characters' hearts. 

A beautiful and original story that captures heartache with cogent understatement. 

Winner of The Critics Award at Cannes 2013. 


5 The Man without A Past. Kaurismaki.



If you are not familiar with the Finnish director Aki Kaurismaki you are in for a treat. Once you  have seen one of his films you will be truly hooked.  

Laugh for laugh, tear for tear, Kaurismaki is the finest and most intelligently gifted director/writer working in the satire genre today. 

He is not keen on America's foreign policy and has spurned the Oscars on more than one occasion, which might explain why he has never won an Oscar. 

He did win The Grand Jury Prize at Cannes in 2002 for this movie though.

Aki may not write to wholly original ideas but his dark deadpan approach and bleak twists are quite unique. 

This film revolves around a man who gets beaten up and wakes up with amnesia. 

Kaurismaki explores modern prejudices and questions whether there is real trust in society, as we witness the struggle of the man with no name. 

Like all Kaurimaki's work, it is funny, bleak and sadder than a crate of starving puppies.


6 La Jetee.  Marker.



Almost entirely made of still images this time travelling tale set in post apocalypse Paris is a breathtaking piece of visual art.

Made by the experimental photographer/journalist Chris Marker in 1962, this is as bold a piece of storytelling you are ever likely to see. 

Terry Gilliam was so inspired  by this movie he borrowed at least 10 concepts for his film 12 Monkeys. He should have borrowed 12.

Time Magazine once compiled a list of the the top ten time travel movies and this audacious work was justifiably voted number one. 

Arrant genius.

If you love Chris Marker's work try Sans Soleil after this. 



The Bothersome Man. Jens Lien.




Jens Lien, has made some pretty unremarkable films. This isn't one of them. Trust me. This is a wonderful quirky and imaginative piece of film making.  Jens paints an archetypal post-industrial world where sensuality has been abandoned for bland.

A young man, Andreas, arrives at a nice bland town meets nice bland people, works for a nice bland company doing a nice bland job where everyone is nice and bland to each other. 
The coffee is bland, the conversation is bland, the sex is bland... ....you get the picture. 

Andreas soon yearns for real emotions, real human passion and some vivid colour in his life.


The whole town is painted in shades of white and there are more street cleaners than cars.

There are elements of The Stepford Wives and The Prisoner throughout this playful, cheeky film. 

An utterly original film, ravishingly shot in the lunar landscapes of Iceland, wonderfully acted and very dark.

8. Haider. Bhardwaj
 

There is no justice for Bollywood at The Oscars Once again, not one Indian film has made the short list for the best foreign picture at the 2015 Academy Awards.

Haider is a genuine cut above the recent forlorn and ponderous Oscar films, In A Better World, Amor and A Separation.

Haider is Bhardaj's version of Hamlet, set in 1995 during the political unrest in Kashmir. 

This is the first mainstream film to explore the theme of separatist violence in the region. It is a bold movie which shames India for its alleged graphic violence and torture toward the separatists. 

Indeed, the original film was so graphic that a total of 41 cuts had to be made to this film before the censors would give it a certificate.

An original adaptation of Hamlet, a wonderful score and a remarkable performance from the lead Shahid Kapoor. 

It's streets ahead of Academy Award winners. 

 9. Blind Chance. Kieslowsky.



Kieslowsky was a master story teller. His moral fables about the ordinary man subsumed by the pain of life, are compelling. 

His 'Three Colours Trilogy' and 'Decalogue' are undoubtedly just as powerful and reverberating today as when they were first released.
They are a good place to start if you are new to this director.

If I had to pick one film, however, that represents Kieslowsky's prodigious talent as writer and director, it is 
Blind Chance (1987).

One man runs for a train and  three different story lines ensue.
The theme of  ' multiple outcomes from one event' has become a rich source for copyists and is almost a genre in its own right. 

Run Lola Run, Human Capital and Sliding Doors are films inspired by this work.

Politically interesting, unashamedly romantic, exquisitely acted and written with a subtle and veracious dignity. 





10 The Holy Mountain. Jodorowsky.



This is not a film. 
It is a hallucinogenic experience.
It is an exhibition of polemic modern art on celluloid.
It is crazy, horrible,weird and ridiculous.
It is a fulminating, subversive commentary on religion and totemic symbolism.

Jodorowsky deprived himself of sleep for a week and reputedly took LSD before filming, whilst under the watchful eye of a Chinese Zen Master. He communed with his cast while during production and together they indulged in magic mushrooms on a daily basis. 

Funded by John Lennon and Yoko Ono as an art project, this is a profound example of  visual imagination.


11. Memories of Murder. Bong.



Detective thrillers are not normally my genre. However, this 2003 film based on a true serial killer in South Korea is more riveting
than the most riveting thing you can think of. 
And that includes rivets.

Set amid the backdrop of political unrest, (the two main cops represent the two dictator presidents Jyun Doo Hwan and No Tae Woo), this story charts the inept attempt by the local police to track down a sadistic rapist.

We know the police can be stupid. And boy, are they stupid here.
This is a chilling and bleak tale written by the Brazilian Robert Carvahlo and visually inspired by Alan Moore's graphic novel, From Hell. 

This is the film that David Fincher absorbed before making Zodiac. A brilliant film.

12. Father Of A Soldier. Chkheidze



Made in Georgia in 1964, this is one of the finest films ever made in any language.
Rated 8.7 on IMDB. and if the voting trend continues this will smash into their top 20  movies of all time.

Why is it such a good film?

Well, it has a very simple powerful idea at its narrative core. A farmer leaves his village to look for his missing son who is fighting on the front line in WW2.

The lead actor, Sergo Zakarariadze, inhabits the role of the father with immense conviction, juggling credible passion with superb comic timing.

No film has dealt with a father's love for his son as beautifully and as gracefully as this one. 


13. The Colour Of Paradise. Majidi.


  
Following the Islamic revolution in 1979, the Iranian film industry embraced a neo-realistic style, painting beautiful narratives with exquisite landscapes and heartfelt dramas.

Of the Iranian films I've seen so far, which isn't many, this wonderful story about a blind boy struggling to make sense of the chaotic world around him, is profound.  

Mohsen Ramezani, who plays the lead and is blind in real life, should have got an Oscar for this astonishing performance.  


14. Bus 174. Padilha and Lacarda 2002.



I have just watched Bus 174.

Wow. I am speechless. The last time I felt like this was when my karate teacher kicked enough air out of me to fill a zeppelin.

( I owe you one Pete Kisby.) 

This coruscating documentary uses real life media footage of an armed hostage of a bus in Rio de Janeiro in 2000.
Think 'Dog Day Afternoon' without make up, wardrobe and a script. It makes 'City of God' and 'Carandiru', both strong films in their own right, look like Noddy Has Cream Buns With Big Ears.

This film will make you scared, anxious and angry.   

Buy a ticket and get on board.

  
15. Oasis. Chang-Dong Lee.




If there was an Oscar for 'The Uncomfortable Watch Award'  the director Chang-Dong Lee would win it every year. 


His dark themes of  suicide (Peppermint Candy), Alzheimer's (Poetry) and  disability (Oasis) are beautifully written and compelling portrayed by his actors. Lee was a successful author before turning his attention to film late in life.

Oasis is a love story between an immature, retarded social misfit and a cerebral palsy sufferer. 

So-ri moon as the wheelchair bound character is so utterly brilliant I thought I was watching a real disabled woman in the role. 

This is a really hard watch. 
It is not entertaining. It's not enjoyable. But it is bravura cinema with outstanding performances. 



16. Miracle in Milan. De Sica.

Most great movie lists will have a De Sica film. Usually it's Bicycle Thieves or Umberto D.


Miracle in Milan is a more uplifting experience than either of the aforementioned. Think Bicycle Thieves with bells, fully pumped up tyres and Mary Poppins on acid in the saddle. Ting ting. Magical.


Joint 17th. Come and See. Klimov.  Nobi. Fires On The Plain. 

1959 original. Itcikawa.


                                                                  

                                                                  
I wanted to pick one film which best reflects the insanity and brutality of war. I really couldn't decide between these two astonishing films.

Both focus on one soldier desperately trying to survive the chaotic madness as they make their aimless way through scorched and blood soaked landscapes.


Both have superb leads who inhabit their roles with painful authenticity.  (In Nobi, Funakoshi collapsed on set as he starved himself during filming. Production was stopped for two weeks while he recovered.)


Both are sublimely paced, hope and innocence are mutilated with a steadily progressive visual narrative. 


Watching Nobi I couldn't help thinking that Clint Eastwood must have spent many hours studying the composition and detail of the battle scenes to prepare himself for shooting Flags Of Our Fathers.


  

18. The Cremator. Juraj Herz.

Throughout the 1960's Czechoslovakia had the upper hand when it came to depictions of  human alienation and paranoia. They were the masters of twisted, disturbing modern fables which laid bare the national psyche in an attempt to find redemptive healing. 

This abnormal plot of a cremator who is swept along by the turmoil around him is both repulsive and compelling. 

The odd directional angles and oblique personal snapshots add hubris and portent  to a beautiful portrayal of one man's soul and his attempt to preserve it. 

Rudolf Hrusinsky's performance is astonishing.

This was the most successful Czech film from the 1960's and there are still very few people who have seen it. 




 19. The Secret in Their Eyes. Campanella.


A legal attorney, (played by the reliable Ricardo Darin,) retires and re-opens an unsolved brutal murder case that has bothered him for decades. 

The sacrifice of true love at the altar of personal ego is absorbing to behold. Darin delivers a beautifully understated performance of regret and denial.


For the none Spanish speaking viewers. 'Temo' means I fear and  'Te amo' means I love you. There's a moment in the film when this translation will help you to understand Darin's true feelings.


Check out 'Nine Queens' as well. It's a cool, clever heist movie and Darin's second best film. 



20. Le Trou. Becker.




Those who rate Shawshank Redemption as the best prison escape movie haven't seen 'A Man Escaped' or 'Le Trou'. Both films are superb, both are based on remarkable true stories and both are, so the directors tell us, without dramatic embellishment.

In 'A Man Escaped', Bresson's background as a painter is clearly evident. His close framing creates a living portrait of suffocating tension, tangibly etched on his two captives . 

'Le Trou' is equally tense and explores the wider issue of male loyalties and the concept of faith in desperate men.


Becker knew he was terminally ill during the production and died weeks after the film was completed. His own desperation to stay alive and the value of liberty is acutely observed in his carefully crafted characters.


21. Talk To Her. Almodovar.




I watched this for the third time recently. I've seen every one of Almodovar's movies and this is by far the most accessible, gentle and life affirming piece he has ever produced. 

This story of  unrequited desire is layered with foreboding and melancholy. Pina Bausch's choreography is incredible and the exquisite  "Por toda a minha vida" by Antonio Carlos Jobim adds potency and grace to the narrative.

Quite heartbreaking. 




22.  Yojimbo. Kurosawa.



Like Bresson, Akira Kurosawa trained as a painter and storyboarded his films on canvas with a deft and thoughtful eye.
His visual texture, composition and erudite detail is evident in every frame. He took his inspiration from the West turning to crime writers like Hammet for his story lines. 


George Lucas, Spielberg and Tarentino, Leone and others referenced or ripped off his genius in various guises. (The film The Hidden Fortress is Star Wars in another time and place.)

Seven Samurai is the obvious and deserved choice as his finest work. Undoubtedly, this is and always will be, an amazing film. Throne of Blood, Ran and Roshomon are all masterpieces.

However, Yojimbo is outstanding in its own quirky way and is often overlooked in the canon of Akira.


Mifune's acting was at its peak here, some of his early acting is palpably wooden. The lighter comic elements are well observed and the use of  'Mother Nature' as narrative glue is sublime.
(Rain, a cleansing force to move from Act 1 to Act 11, and the dust storm sequence are both exquisite).

A film full of wonderful features and subtle, comedic delights.

23. Alice. Svankmajer.




I was always going to include a film here by the masters of dark animation. I considered films by The Quay brothers for inclusion.  

'Institute Benjamenta' and 'The Piano Tuner of Earthquakes' plant chilling voices in the head. They feel like the out takes of some twisted demons that David Lynch might have left on the cutting room floor for fear of being too weird.

The film that did make my list is tame by comparison, and is a classic Sunday afternoon family film. 
It is Svankmajer's 'Alice'.

This is the finest version of Alice in Wonderland you will see.
It's audacious, original and visually ravishing. 
Be prepared to be intoxicated by Svankmajer's  consummate art and creative guile.


24. Journey Of Hope. Koller.






The plight of the refugee has proved fertile ground for film makers over the years . There are some gritty films  which handle the pain of the disenfranchised with both intelligence and grace. 

This Swiss release from 1990 is devastatingly sad, sumptuously photographed and is powerful enough to turn any UKIP voter in to a refugee hugger. This film should be on the school curriculum to provide some balanced argument on the issue of immigration.

Be prepared to part with serious money if you wish to add this film to your collection. Last time I checked  on Amazon the price was £30.00. No doubt, the price and the lack of availability are the reasons why this film has been seen by so few people. 

25. Nostalgia For The Light. Guzman. 



There have been some fine documentaries of late. In the foreign language section none rate more highly than Guzman's take on mankind's search for truth and existence through the eyes of Chilean widows and star gazing astronomers. 

Set on the plains of the Atacama desert where light is translucent, this astonishing film fuses the passion of astronomers, who seek to prove that humans were made by stars, with the longing of the widows who search for their  husbands who were buried thirty years ago by General Pinochet's death squads.


The scene where a 70 year old woman talks about her daily quest to find her husband's bones, is heart rending.


Beauty, desire, determination and sadness have never been captured with such grace. 




Thank you for reading.